I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
I haven’t wanted to blog very often lately because this kind of blog post would probably be what comes out and the internet doesn’t need that many webpages filled with variations of me complaining. However, today I hit a wall in my injury tolerance. So, sorry for this. You really don’t have to read it. :)
My status right now: posterior tibial stress syndrom is resolved. Achilles tendinitis apparently was never present to begin with, it was actually my posterior tibial tendon and I was misdiagnosed so we have been treating the wrong tendon for the last 8 or so weeks (no, I’m not bitter, really). My patellar tendinitis was getting better but I decided to kneel on the floor on Sunday for just a minute to quiet the dog from waking M.T. and bam – new knee pain, can’t use the stairs all over again.
I am working out my core and doing all of the exercises I am supposed to be doing to strengthen my body. I have not missed a single physical therapy session. I am remembering to get all of my stretching in, not skipping the ice, foam rolling, doing PT exercises at home, using the slant board and the therabands… I feel like with so much work and diligence, I should be better by now or at least showing some signs of improvement. Not reinjuring my whole knee from kneeling.
I had to skip a race yesterday. I care about that more than I would like to admit. Not that this was really an important half marathon, but just because I had set that race as a marker for myself to focus on back when I first realized that I was injured so I could have some hope. This was my goal ‘I’m back in the game!’ race. When I woke up yesterday (already knowing it was out of the question) and looked at my phone and saw that I had slept in past the race start time, my heart sunk and the reality hit me. I’m still injured.
So now I’m going to get to the point of this blog post – the kick in the ass that I so sorely need because let’s face it, this sitting around moping and stewing about it isn’t helping my shit get better.
There is yet hope. I don’t have to actually start training before September 16th. That’s still 2 weeks away. Tomorrow I will know more – I see a local A.R.T. therapist to talk about my tendons and establish care (if you’re curious about A.R.T., click here). A.R.T. is supposed to help people heal even faster than basic physical therapy. Today, my physical therapist told me that the new knee pain may very well be from broken up scar tissue that I broke up when I knelt and that may actually help free up my knee from the tendinitis and fix the misalignment of the patella (seriously – I’m a mess!?!?). These are hopeful things. To get through this injury, I need to be hopeful. So get it together!!!!!
So if you actually read all of this… I am really sorry. Have you ever had your body fall apart or been misdiagnosed by doctors and treated for the wrong things? How did you deal with it?